“There’s a story, a legend about a bird that sings just once in its life.

From the moment it leaves its nest, it searches for a thorn tree and never rests until it’s found one.

And then it sings, more sweetly than any other creature on the face of the earth. And singing, it impales itself on the longest, sharpest thorn. But, as it dies it rises above its own agony, to outsing the lark and the nightingale.

The thorn bird pays its life for just one song, but the whole world stills to listen, and God in his heaven smiles.”

(The Thorn Birds by Colleen McCullough)

I learned a very important lesson today.

When you get too close to someone – too close for comfort at some point – you lose your objectivity.

Emotions develop. They build up and before you know it – you get burnt out from one another. And then of course – there is the danger of losing respect. As time goes by, you start to regard the other person with less concern, less faith and less interest.

There is also the big possibility of getting hurt. It’s either you hurt the person or he hurts you. Or it could be both – you hurt each other.

Fortunately, when friendship begins to wane – there is still hope for it to rise again. It depends however, on the efforts that both parties are willing to exert. And oftentimes, the solution is for temporary separation – to keep distance for a period of time. Then when they meet and reunite one day -  the spark is reignited.

Friendship or any kind of relationship should be buillt on trust, sincerity, mutual love, understanding and respect. Without one of these elements, a friendship will, in no time, crumble.

Let go. Let God.

I have been hearing these words from many people these past months when my life suddenly made a dramatic turn.

I appreciate it that a lot of friends are concerned about me. But now things are at a point where I see myself in the midst of an empty field and there are voices all around telling me what to do with my life. It’s deafening. It’s sickening.

They all have common messages to tell me though. “Live your life.” “Move on.” “Be strong.” And from my one special friend, I got the words: “Wake up. Enjoy life.”

I think some people look at me now as kind of pathetic because I was abandoned by my husband  for another woman. But in all honesty I do not really feel that way. Though I have quite dragged on and not making enough progress to liberate myself from this present situation, I don’t exactly mourn. Not anymore, anyway.

I am living my life. True, there are glitches, hitches and what have you. There are foiled plans and failed expectations. Yet I have learned to accept them all. I am moving forward, though just inch by inch. Well, at least – I am stepping up.

Right now, I just want to flap my wings on my own. See the ground below from my personal perspective. Not that I do not need my friends anymore. Not that I want to dump or ignore or snub or hurt my one very dear special friend (you know who you are) in the process…

Far from it.

Perhaps I just need space. And a little more time to evaluate myself and to gather strength and combat this vulnerability. As of now, I am still weak, I am interpreting signals the wrong way, and there is still the danger of me falling into another abyss.

I hope I made myself clear. Need I say more?  I bet you can read between the lines.

“You complete me.”

This is a common line said to each other by lovers, spouses, sweethearts, paramours or plain friends.

Why would a person complete you? Are you a jigsaw puzzle with a missing piece which only one person can provide?

Maybe so. I believe each one of us have missing pieces… missing links.

How wonderful it would be if you come across your missing link and it turns out that he too, is looking for his. And you locate each other. And the pieces fit.

All my life I have been looking for my other piece. But unfortunately I could not find it among my friends, acquaintances and relationships – until lately. Sadly, though the pieces may fit – there are impediments.

So here I am, nursing the hollow again, until perhaps it finally closes, though not necessarily absolute.

Oh, these musings… I guess I had too much of that herbal tea. The label says it’s “caffeine free” yet I find it intoxicating. LOL!

Ah – tomorrow is Monday. I like Mondays. 

(This information was in The New York Times as part of their “Spotlight on the Home” series that highlighted creative and fanciful ways to solve common problems.)

Who knew!! And all we thought they were good for was eating! It is interesting.

1. Cucumbers contain most of the vitamins you need every day, just one cucumber contains Vitamin B1, Vitamin B2, Vitamin B3, Vitamin B5, Vitamin B6, Folic Acid, Vitamin C, Calcium, Iron, Magnesium, Phosphorus, Potassium and Zinc.

2. Feeling tired in the afternoon, put down the caffeinated soda and pick up a cucumber. Cucumbers are a good source of B Vitamins and Carbohydrates that can provide that quick pick-me-up that can last for hours.

3. Tired of your bathroom mirror fogging up after a shower? Try rubbing a cucumber slice along the mirror, it will eliminate the fog and provide a soothing, spa-like fragrance.

4. Are grubs and slugs ruining your planting beds? Place a few slices in a small pie tin and your garden will be free of pests all season long. The chemicals in the cucumber react with the aluminum to give off a scent undetectable to humans but drive garden pests crazy and make them flee the area.

5. Looking for a fast and easy way to remove cellulite before going out or to the pool? Try rubbing a slice or two of cucumbers along your problem area for a few minutes, the python chemicals in the cucumber cause the collagen in your skin to tighten, firming up the outer layer and reducing the visibility of cellulite. Works great on wrinkles too!!!

6. Want to avoid a hangover or terrible headache? Eat a few cucumber slices before going to bed and wake up refreshed and headache free. Cucumbers contain enough sugar, B vitamins and electrolytes to replenish essential nutrients the body lost, keeping everything in equilibrium, avoiding both a hangover and headache!!

7. Looking to fight off that afternoon or evening snacking binge? Cucumbers have been used for centuries and often used by European trappers, traders and explores for quick meals to thwart off starvation.

8. Have an important meeting or job interview and you realize that you don’t have enough time to polish your shoes? Rub a freshly cut cucumber over the shoe, its chemicals will provide a quick and durable shine that not only looks great but also repels water.

9. Need to fix a squeaky hinge? Take a cucumber slice and rub it along the problematic hinge, and voila, the squeak is gone!

10. Stressed out and don’t have time for massage, facial or visit to the spa? Cut up an entire cucumber and place it in a boiling pot of water, the chemicals and nutrients from the cucumber with react with the boiling water and be released in the steam, creating a soothing, relaxing aroma that has been shown the reduce stress in new mothers and college students during final exams.

11. Just finished a business lunch and realize you don’t have gum or mints? Take a slice of cucumber and press it to the roof of your mouth with your tongue for 30 seconds to eliminate bad breath, the python chemicals will kill the bacteria in your mouth responsible for causing bad breath. 1

12. Looking for a ‘green’ way to clean your faucets, sinks or stainless steel? Take a slice of cucumber and rub it on the surface you want to clean, not only will it remove years of tarnish and bring back the shine, but is won’t leave streaks and won’t harm your fingers or fingernails while you clean.

13. Using a pen and made a mistake? Take the outside of the cucumber and slowly use it to erase the pen writing, also works great on crayons and markers that the kids have used to decorate the walls!!

The Best I Ever Had

Noong isang araw, may nagpunta sa aking bahay at may iniabot na supot.

“Handog po namin ito sa inyo”, ang sabi ng babaeng nagbigay ng supot na plastic na may lamang isang kilo ng bigas, dalawang lata ng sardinas, isang pakete ng kape at apat na pakete ng instant noodles. Kalakip sa supot ang isang papel na naglalaman ng litrato at pangalan ng isang kandidato sa pagka mayor sa aming lugar. Ah, isa itong paraan ng pangangampanya.

Napangiti ako dahil naalala ko noong ako ay nakasama rin sa mga ganitong pangangampanya noong panahong ang aking asawa ay aktibo sa pulitika. Taong 1992 noon at natatandaan ko na synchronized election din ang halalang iyon kung saan tumakbo ang aking mister para sa pagka vice mayor sa kanyang bayan.

Hindi ko akalaing magiging parte ako ng kalakaran ng pulitika. Kahit minsan sa buhay ko ay hindi ko pinangarap na maging bahagi ng magulong labanang ito, pero ako ay napilitan dahil kailangan kong suportahan ang aking mister sa kanyang ambisyong maging opisyal ng bayan.

At ako nga ay nangampanya. Ang akala ko noong una, ang gagawin ko lang ay sasama sa aking mister, kakaway-kaway na ala-Miss Universe, ngingiti, makikipagkamay at mangungumusta sa mga tao. Mali ang aking akala.

Read more…

Carl Sandburg: Nothing happens unless first a dream.

- gem -

(Bonifacio Heights – photo by @megnaika)

I started reading the book one night when I couldn’t find anything else to do because I was once again running away from the guilt of not doing my homework or studying my notes for Accounting class. I realized I had kept a few E-books on my laptop for which I had yet to find time to read and I thought it was the perfect opportunity to start off.

I’m not much of a reader these days because I’ve had enough bad experience of being disappointed with dragging pointless stories. “Looking for Alaska” is different though. I know it’s one of those books I’ll always be reminded of simply because it is very philosophical but not a heavy read at all.

So I was stuck contemplating on a quote (which can be found on the 151st page) after I finished the story. It struck me because it made me figure out why I have been feeling quite miserable over the past few months.

“He was gone, and I did not have time to tell him what I had just now realized: that I forgave him, and that she forgave us, and that we had to forgive to survive in the labyrinth. There were so many of us who would have to live with things done and things left undone that day. Things that did not go right, things that seemed okay at the time because we could not see the future. If only we could see the endless string of consequences that result from our smallest actions. But we can’t know better until knowing better is useless. And as I walked back to give Takumi’s note to the Colonel, I saw that I would never know. I would never know her well enough to know her thoughts in those last minutes, would never know if she left us on purpose. But the not-knowing would not keep me from caring, and I would always love Alaska Young, my crooked neighbor, with all my crooked heart.”

There’s one word used in the phrase highlighted in bold letters that caught my eye – one word used in two tenses. Forgive; forgave.

The bitter person that I am now is the product of the number of events in my past that left my heart broken in pieces. They’re not just wounds as I thought they were before. Now I figured out that wounds would heal but pieces would take a lot more effort to be whole again. Someone or something would have to do the gritty work of piecing it back together. I realized that it would have been easier to mend it if I wasn’t so stubborn and played victim all the time. Yes, I was the victim but no one else could heal me but myself. I was the patient and the doctor both at the same time.

Mistakes could be forgiven because it’s us who commit them and we are only humans. We make mistakes and we do the wrong things and sometimes it leads to hurting someone we do not intend to hurt in the first place. But these things happen whether or not we try to be a 100 and 1% cautious in our actions.  And as Alaska questioned in the paper she turned in for their Religion Class, quoted from Simon Bolivar, the character in Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s novel The General in His Labyrinth, “‘How will I ever get out of this labyrinth’— of suffering?”

I believe that there’s never really such a thing as suffering. I think it’s this in between that we make up at the back of our heads because we cannot find our way to solid ground. Suffering can only be felt if we let it envelope us. It’s like a pitfall that’s waiting under the cracks. I must admit that I caused myself to be stuck in this “suffering” over the past months because I couldn’t take the fact that people I care about made mistakes and I could not bear absolve them for what they did to me. I was never aware of their reasons, of the whys and hows and I guess it was that that made everything more difficult. What made it worse is how I tried to find explanations that would help justify their actions hoping that doing so would make it less unbearable.

Now I understand that sometimes we don’t need a reason to play even with the pain.

And though what I’m about to do is not easy, I will swallow my pride and forget my bitterness and forgive my dad for leaving us for another woman, forgive the first guy I loved deeply for breaking my heart, forgive a close friend for betraying me and lastly, I forgive myself for causing this misery to drag on for too long.

Finally, after a long time I am accepting the existence of forgiveness because life can end in a split-second and I don’t want to be robbed of the opportunity to give peace to others and be at peace with myself.