“It is better to light just one little candle than to stumble in the dark…”
The day after my daughter was discharged from the hospital following her bout with panic attack, we both heard mass at the St. John’s Cathedral. This was the first time in a long while that we heard mass again in this church in Dagupan City. We usually hear mass at the St. Therese Parish Church because Gem is a member of the Filipino-Chinese Catholic Youth (FCCY) choir which is part of said parish. On my own calculation, around 80 per cent of the business establishments in downtown Dagupan is owned by Filipino-Chinese businessmen and that roughly makes an estimate on the population of this community in our small city. The St. Therese Parish is the ‘official’ parish for the Fil-Chinese group here, hence the reason why the FCCY is housed under its wings.
My daughter goes to school at Pangasinan Universal Institute (PUI), a Chinese school. We are not Chinese, but the reason why she got to study here is because I used to teach in this school. I taught here for 12 years from 1985 to 1997.
When I resigned in 1997 to help my husband put up a publication business of a weekly local newspaper, we decided for Gem to continue with her studies in PUI. Well, it was not a bad decision after all because our daughter is quite knowledgeable now in Mandarin language. Though not thoroughly adept, she has quite mastered the rudiments of the language and can write and speak, at least the basics. Sometimes however, she questions us why she has to study this foreign language,, to which we retort she may not know the value now, but later in life, Mandarin can be of great help to her as supported by the fact on the growing demand for Mandarin speaking professionals in certain job placements.
After the mass, Gem took my hand and tugged me to the candle stands on the side of the Cathedral. Apparently, she did not understand why there were people lighting those candles. I explained to her that the lighting of candles is like sending a petition to heaven, either for the souls of deceased loved ones or for personal intentions. She then told me she wanted to light one. I suggested for her to make it three - one candle for the souls of those departed, another candle for family intentions and the last candle for herself, her own requests. She lit three candles and was silent for a moment as she said her prayers.
As we were going out of the Cathedral grounds, I asked her what she asked God with the personal candle she lit. She replied it was for her studies, that she would be able to maintain, if not improve her grades and standing in her class. She is graduating this March and I understand she wants to make good on her last year in high school. I reminded her however to take it easy because too much striving and worry might lead her to another hyperventilation bout and consequently panic attack.
I can tell what difficult stage my daughter is going through at this point. She is about to finish high school and soon would be starting college. She is facing so many uncertainties right now. And I guess her biggest dilemma at present is her choice of college course and campus.
She has at present, three options. Language Studies at Xiamen University in China for a Lucio Tan scholarship grant, Special Education at Philippine Normal University and International Hospitality Management at Enderun College.
Her dad has been hoping that she chooses the Xiamen University scholarship. Her school Board of Trustees president, George Chua Cham, has been very eager at seeing her go for it, as everything is free including board and lodging. I have been secretly wishing for her to go to Xiamen too, not only because of the great opportunity, but for me to have an excuse to go and visit her there in China. LOL! Well, a round trip ticket worth 15 thousand pesos (US$300.00) plus a little shopping money once in four months won’t hurt a lot, I tell my husband.
Unfortunately, she already made up her mind. No to Xiamen. She doesn’t feel comfortable with the idea, that at such a young age, she would be away from home to study in a strange place. And we don’t want to force her.
The remaining two choices are extremes. Special Education at PNU costs almost nothing, save for the 1,500 pesos (US$30.00) miscellaneous fees per semester and her monthly allowances. On the other hand, International Hospitality Management at Enderun College will cost around US$7,000.00 a year, covering tuition and other fees.
It is clear my daughter yearns for the Enderun College education. But we are not wealthy. We are just an average earning family and unless someone comes to the rescue (hello, Tito Ted… :)), that dream will just be - a dream.
It hurts to see my child dream of something I can’t afford to give. It pierces my heart while listening to her grand plans for her future - tour around the world, work and see the biggest hotels, establish connection with famous chefs, restaurateurs, hotel magnates - and yet the most I can do is - just to listen. She says she understands our situation though, and does not insist on her preference. But it seems she refuses to give up. Only the other day, I saw her going through the requirements for admission at the college of her dream. She is not losing hope. She is not losing faith. Her candles remain burning… for, in God’s hands, who knows?
Feb
22
i can attest to you the many miracles that the good Lord has allowed to happen in our lives. trust Him - He will allow your daughter’s desire, if it will be for her good.
my 18-year old son, a true blue atenean (from pre-school to high school) has shut his mind off other options when he went to college. we were hoping that he would consider UP, to give him exposure to the outside world, but being the supportive parents that we were, we allowed him to continue his studies at the ateneo. my husband and i have been continuously praying for enlightenment. guess what, on UP’s last day of accepting reservations, he came to us and announced that he has decided to go to UP. he is now completing his 2nd sem in UP, a better person, more sensitive of the needs of other people (though of course, I give credit to ateneo for molding him as a man for others), and has never regretted his decision.
Good luck to Gem and may God guide her in her path. I’m sure that she will choose well with regard to her education.
If you want something badly, the universe will conspire to make it happen. That was the line the struck me the most in Paulo Coelho’s book The Alchemist. In a way it is true.
I was in the same situation when I graduated in HS. I wanted to study in a school that my parents couldn’t afford. I applied for a scholarship and my CSAT result was high but apparently not high enough for me to have it. But I did not give up and applied for another scholarship. After my second attempt, I was granted a scholarship, 100% free from paying the tuition and miscellaneous expense.
I believe that your daughter is really intelligent. I hope she’ll not give up. God always bless those who perseveres. Goodluck to Gem
Thank you for the encouragement, Dine. Yes, I believe so too, that if it is for her own good, God will grant it.
Good for your son. He must be a very intelligent young man, being able to hurdle both UP and Ateneo.
Toe, thanks so much. Yes, I pray always for God to guide her.
Verns, you are a determined young woman. I admire you. I hope my daughter too will succeed the same way you did.
The Alchemist is one of my favorite books. Simply written yet full of wisdom.
Gem seems to know what suits her. Imagine saying ‘no’ to a well-known university in China? May she get what she wants. Good luck to her!
Wow to have options like that! Gem is at a wonderful stage in her life right now, where there are so many possibilities. Whichever way she decides to go will always be the right path for her. I know how you feel worrying whether you can help her with her ambitions…isn’t that every mom’s worry?
She seems like a very smart girl though, I’m sure things will fall into place when the time comes, just keep helping her dream.
I always believe that our inner desires of good are God’s desires for us. I’m sure everything will work out with Gem.
Great to know she’s OK now health-wise. YOu daughter is truly blessed of being offered scholarships. It is a great achievement and the envy of many kids like her. An opportunity like this which comes once in a lifetime has to be availed of. If parents can make a sacrifice, children can do it too. This is an opportunity for her to reward her parents with a financially problem free four years of education through the scholarships. It is ok to dream and pray for getting accepted at a school that seems to be way beyond our means but in your daughter’s case she’s in a win win situation. Her back-up plans - 2 schools that offer free schooling are terrific.
I hope and pray that everything works out well for your daughter. My nephew also wanted to enrol in a similar course but my sister could not afford the high tuition costs. Turns out they have athletic scholarships and my nephew got accepted as a scholar. Who knows? God works in mysterious ways. Thanks for visiting my blog.
I am sure with prayers and determination, your daughter would still find her way in the States and around the world. She is still young and very able, and the opportunities is so wide open for her.
glad she’s alright
good choice you have there. don’t force her even if you really want here to. Let her chart her own destiny unless you know she’ll get lost
You know what they say; God works in mysterious ways. Who knows? She might still change her mind about Xiamen University. And the fact that she’s a scholar of Lucio Tan’s foundation means there’s job security in her future in one of his companies here or in China.
Thanks for the visit and comments, Rhodora.
Hmmm… what happened to my comment?
Congrats to Gem and congrats to the Mom. How nice to have options! Gem is her own person — be glad. She might surprise you yet Rhodora — or turn of events might!
@Abaniko, yes, she is very strong willed. She knows exactly what she wants.
@Thanks, JMom. Yes indeed, who would understand a mother like me, but a mother like you?
@Eric, Thanks…. I told her, if it is really for her, and it will do her good, then God shall grant her desire.
@BW…Children should sacrifice too for their parents. I think I get your point, and I do agree. Much as we want to give everything to our children, they should understand too that we have our limitations, and in such cases, they should be willing to sacrifice.
@Ladybug, I wish the college of her choice would offer the same benefits for underprivileged students. Thanks for visiting!
@Major Tom, I agree with you. She has her life unfolding before her.. and she’s only 16!
@Tutubi, it’s never wise to force kids on what they don’t like. But if it is really for their own good, a compromise, I believe, is best.
@Snglguy - my commenting system is acting up as always.. hehehe. But don’t worry, though it is classified as spam, I always get to recover all messages here. And yes, I believe so too. God has ways to lead us to where He plans us to be. Thanks too for the visit.
@AnnaManila… Thanks very much, Anna! I hope she makes the best choice.
Wow! A scholarship to China. You’ve got one smart daughter there.
I can also remember the uncertainties I felt when I was graduating from high school. So many life changing decisions at such an early age. On the other hand, my oldest son, who’s also graduating in a few months already knew what he wanted and what school to go to 3-4 years ago. He’s gonna follow his dreams.
Irene, your oldest son is for music, right? But I have a feeling, he will make it big there. Very few flutists around the world, and he will be a great addition to the rare breed…
I am one with all the rest here, wishing and praying that Gem’s dream may come to reality not later but this coming school year. I know how you feel. I am a parent too.
And this is what I hated most with our government and politicians: that intelligent and bright kids can not pursue that dream where he/she would excel because the government does not provide the opportunity to realize it ; that both parents and kids have to undergo the anguish of seeing once dream go unfulfilled because of economic debacle that these people in the government puts on its citizenry.
Except for that dream, you kid is still very lucky as compared to the rest.
May God Bless you both.
Thanks, Myepinoy.. I sent you an email re this concern.
Hello there. I’m very proud of your daughter being able to speak, write in Mandarin, since it is a vital skill that will be needed for the Philippines’ future. I wish the best for her and keep encouraging her to study more Mandarin. i stumbled across your blog, because my family owns a business called “Magallanes Merchandise” on both Galvan and Riviera streets. My own cousin Joy M. Canilang also goes to PUI and quite proud of her too. Besides PUI and Divine Word school, is ther any other language school in Dagupan that offers Mandarin to the public? Hope we can talk about this. Good day to you.
Hi, Ken! Oh, such a small world indeed! Joy Canilang.. I will ask my daughter if she knows your cousin. Well, besides DWAD and PUI, there are some schools here who have started offering Chinese subjects, but not quite successfully.
This coming summer, PUI is offering Mandarin classes. I think it’s open to all. Chinese teachers from mainland China and Taiwan will be teaching, so you can be guaranteed genuine Mandarin instruction.
Magallanes Merchandise along Galvan and Rivera? I will look into it next time I do my marketing. So you are also based here in Dagupan?
Thanks for the visit, Ken!
Hi Ate Rhodora! Actually I’m living in Seattle, WA in the USA right now. I went back to visit the Phil. over a year ago after 23 long years.
Thats awesome that PUI is making Mandarin classes available to the public. What are the other schools that are offering Mandarin? I’m putting together a list of all secondary schools, colleges and universities that offer Mandarin for Filipinos in the Philippines who wish to study the language in their respective provinces and soon post it on the internet.
Thank you for the insight and keep in touch. Small world indeed!
Hi, Ken! Thanks again for visiting my blog.
Wow! A visit to the Philippines after 23 long years! I’m sure Dagupan looked alien to you already by then.. hehe.
As I told you, there are other schools here who have offered Mandarin but not quite successfully: Ednas School, La Marea Academy. Okay, I will try to research and then email you.
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