I am missing my daughter so. She is now in Caliraya, Laguna for a week long national convention of the Filipino Chinese Catholic Youth parish group.
I am not used to not having her around. For most of you who read my blog regularly, you may have noticed how much I dote on my daughter. I too, notice that it’s always Gem, Gem, Gem that I babble about here. But can you blame me? She is my only girl, and the bunso (youngest) at that. Our bond is not only that of a mother-daughter relationship. We are best friends!
I am having difficulty letting go of her - now that she’s going to college in June. I know even her dad who religiously drove her to and from school will surely miss her. Ditto with her Kuya Marco and Kuya Aypee, despite the sibling fights they have every now and then.
Please allow this longing mom to re-post the following entry about her daughter. If only to fill the void she suffers in her right now…
To infinity and beyond…! (reposted)
“Baby… how much do you love me?” I used to ask my daughter when she was about four years old.In answer, she would get up, raise her right arm, form a fist with her tiny hand, and shout out: “I love you, Mama - TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!”Oh, the sweet memories. I smiled as I lingered before the display window at a mall store that showcased Buzz Lightyear, one of the lead characters (aside from Woody) in Walt Disney’s Toy Story animated film. Yes, it was Buzz Lightyear’s famous line… “To infinity and beyond!” - as he would storm out, “flying” in his make believe space, believing that indeed he was a real spaceman. And from watching the movie over and over, “To infinity and beyond” has become my adorable daughter’s battle cry. How touching…I couldn’t be more thankful to God for giving us one lovely daughter. She was, actually, a product of miscalculated conception. My younger son was already 6 years old that time, and I was in my 30s. My husband and I practiced the natural method of birth control where we set a simple rule: No sex when not safe. Well, we were into our prime and he had his hormones raging in him, but birth control was something we couldn’t take for granted. After all, we had difficulty raising our two active boys already, so why add in another one? Besides, we didn’t want to compromise our children’s future. We wanted to afford raising them, nourish them well and send them to good schools.
It was on two occasions when we missed the target date that made me to somehow conclude it was okay to miss once in a while. What I mean is - at one time or more, we had “it” at my fertile dates, and nothing happened. I didn’t get pregnant. So we went on this way, thinking that maybe my egg cells weren’t so active anymore because I was very busy that time with my teaching job, and hubby too was always running around for work, civic activities, etc.
Then it happened. And it happened at a time when our marriage was hanging at the edge of a cliff, ready to fall anytime. We had differences. We never met at any point. He wanted white but I preferred red. We argued endlessly about raising the kids. We didn’t share the same values.
We decided to come to terms with each other. We agreed on a separation. I would keep the apartment with the boys, and he would go back to Manila, find work and settle back with his mother and siblings. He could come and visit the boys anytime, but we should maintain our distance from each other.
Everything was set. We were about ready to let go, when I started feeling something queer in me. I suddenly had insatiable hunger for ‘manggang hilaw at bagoong’ (unripe mangoes with fish sauce). An alarm flashed in my mind. Oh, no… it couldn’t be. But the ‘frog test’ won’t lie… I was two months pregnant, hence separation was out.
My daughter is the most welcome ‘accident’ in our lives. She brought sunshine back to our marriage and to our family as a whole. His brothers adored him. The day she and I came home from the hospital three days after her birth, her ‘kuyas’ (older brothers) - then 8 and 6 years old made artworks and welcome signs which they posted by the door. They doted on her… They were jumping with joy when she first smiled… They played with her, cooed, cuddled, even held her bottle on feeding time.
Having a daughter is truly a blessing especially for me. My boys are close to me, but not as close as my daughter is. Indeed, no one can care for a daughter better than her mother and vice versa.
At 16, Gem still raises her arm and clenched hand unashamedly when I ask her how much she loves me. TO INFINITY AND BEYOND! And then the giggles… and the girl talk that we share - which the hubby and the boys will never ever get to understand….
That has got be the most auspicious birth of a child in a family, Rhoda. Ultmately the sweetest. No wonder you miss her terribly whenever she’s not around.
Caliraya is a beautiful place up there in the mountains of Laguna. I know of two resorts up there, though extremely expensive.
oh, this post sounds like another stage mother is in the Blogging world.
as mothers, sometimes we wished that our kids stop growing for once because we fear so much for them much as they would have thought. however, it is inevitable that they grow, and spread their wings. all we can do is to always be there for them, to guide them, and entrust them in the Lord–because it is He who gave us our kids, cared even more.
You don’t know how much I can relate to this piece! And its so beautifully written, Rhoda. Your Gem — she’s so aptly named/nicknamed — brought the glow back into your marriage and your family! Oh, wow.
I had five boys in succession and I used to say I didn’t mind not having girls. But when the girls came — oh, my. Iba talaga. I can’t imagine what life would be without my daughter-bestfriends.
awwww….I’m teary-eyed. This is really a heartwarming post Tita Rhodes.
In our family, we’re not used to saying “i love you” but when I started working here in Manila, my mom would usually send me text messages saying “i love you” and “miss you much”. I love my father dearly but you are right…nothing beats the mom hehe (I have the guts to say that because I know my parents especially my father don’t know anything about blogs hehe)
It must really be wonderful to have a daughter. I have a 3-yr old son. I love him very much but sometimes I think how wonderful it is to have a daughter too. My husband and I are still contemplating whether or not to have another child but if decide to have another one, a girl would be a great blessing.
Thanks for sharing this beautiful post. It’s so evident how much you love and value Gem. My son also loves Toy Story and “To Infinity and Beyond” was one of the first few phrases he learned. He was a late talker and hearing him complete that phrase touched my heart.
Reading this post reminds me of the bond that I have with my mommy and I miss her so.
(:
if there’s one more thing i can relate with you–it’s my bond with my 3 girls. we are so close that sometimes, we do not even need words to tell each other what we want to say. you have one, so she must really be special. i can understand why you miss her. now, you are starting to slowly “let go”. she’ll be in college in a few weeks…she’ll be missed. but don’t worry, the bond remains, she will continue to say “to infinity and beyond”, this time with even more vigor, i am sure!
Oh my gosh, I think I will sound like you in the future. I only have one child right now and my daughter is like my ray of sunshine. I can understand how you can feel like a part of you is going away. Don’t worry she’ll be back sooner than you think.
Ay naku, pakiramdaman mo ang hubby mo. sigurado ako miss na miss na nya ang onli daughter mo. Di lang halata pero sure ako. Take it from me.
yong onli daughter ko ang very very close sa akin, yong mga boys, talaga boys. la man lang lambing. ha ha ha.
awww, i’d probably feel the same way when my kids go away for a long time.
they grow up so fast
Hi, Eric. Indeed, she brought more sunshine to our home!
Sasama sana ako sa Caliraya, but that would mean double expense, so huwag na lang…
Feng, you are right. Our children are not our children, and they come through us but not from us, as one poet would say. But still, I can’t help missing my only daughter…
Anna, ibang iba talaga ang anak na babae. Gem is so malambing, and would you believe, she even acts as mediator between me and her dad when we have ‘tampuhan’? Haha! But there came a point when we were always having ‘tampuhan’ and she got exasperated and blurted: “Hay, bahala na nga kayong dalawa!” Para siyang nanay-nanay.. LOL!
Verns, with Gem and me, saying ‘I love you’ is a natural thing. It’s different with the boys though. They only say ‘I love you’ when they need something… hahaha!
Rach, I think having another child would be a good idea. Mahirap din ang nag-iisa ang anak. Kawawa siya, walang karamay later on.
Really! Your son’s first phrase is “To infinity and beyond!” Buzz Lightyear is cool, isn’t he?
Kyels, nothing beats a mom-daughter relationship, right?
Dine, you are luckier! You have three girls!
I wonder if you have the same shoe sizes and would swap every now and then? My sisters and I used to do that before. But with Gem, I can’t do it because my feet are bigger than hers.
Yes, I’m starting to learn to let go of her, and teaching her how to be more independent. I even let her make some decisions now on her own over matters which she used to consult with me beforehand.
KK, why not have another baby? Your daughter will surely love to have a playmate..
Myepinoy, siguro spoiled ang onli daughter mo sa iyo, ano? Ang daughter ko, mas spoiled sa dad niya kaysa sa akin. Minsan, pag may gusto siyang bilhin, at hindi ako papayag, lalapit kay dad niya. Kaya minsan, sabi niya, kuripot daw ako, kaya mas gusto niyang kasama ang dad niya.. LOL!
Hay, Dexie, you said it! It was like only yesterday when they were toddlers. You should enjoy your kids’ company now while they are young because they will only be young once.
Sooner or later, tatahakin ng bawat anak ang sariling buhay pagkatapos ng pag-aaral. Pero huwag kang mag-alala, paglisan ng pagkabata ng mga anak, siya namang pagsibol ng dagdag na anak at apo para sa inyo at mas masaya iyon, hindi ba?
And don’t worry, I know they will love you in their hearts whatever happens. Nakakalungkot isiping wala na ang batang yakap-yakap at hawak-hawak mo lagi pero alam kong tulad ng sagot niya sa iyo noong 4 years old pa lang siya… she will love you — TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!
I love the line that she used …
TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!
honestly I am not the kind of mom who usually recount the goodness of my only daughter. In fact, I remember I told her when she was a little younger na “ang agang dumating ng karma ko”.
Reading your post about Gem, I am now assessing my self as a mom. I came to realized now that what I see from my kid reflects what kind of a mom I was to her.
Anyways, there’s always room for change. And being away from her for 2 and a half years made me become a REAL MOM
wow… how sweet naman.. ako im the eldest close din ako sa mama ko and also our bunso
iba talaga ang mga mommies no.. ako ng i wish that someday sana maging katulad din ako ng mama ko, the way she cared for family na sobra-sobra…
salute to all mothers
Oh what a wonderful daughter she is; truly heavensent. My youngest is also a girl after three boys and how she makes me, her mom and her three older brothers giddy with laughter whenever she dances and sings—at age two at that.
Wow! I guess your daughter sort of, figuratively speaking, became the glue that held the family together. She is indeed special…
But sadly, you will have to learn to let go one day. She’s already a grown woman with a mind of her own… but why the heck am I saying this anyway? I don’t have kids, hehe.
LAR, salamat…
You’re right, Melai. Sometimes, I also see myself in my daughter. Minsan nga, sabi ko sa kanya, bakit ba ang arte mo.. ‘yun pala, ako din, ganoon.. hehehe.
Of course, there’s always room for improvement. I’m sure that your daughter loves you as you are, and she too feels how much you care for her. And yes, TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!
Jhenny, I’m sure you will become a great mother like your mom!
Major Tom, di ba ang saya?
I can imagine how you dote on your only daughter too. A bundle of joy - doll of the family!
Snglguy, until now, my daughter is the ‘glue’ in our family. When hubby and I have ‘tampuhan’, she does everything to bring us together.
Oh, you don’t have to have a kid to say those things.. lol! But yes, you are right, she has a mind of her own now, and can be too strong willed sometimes, and knows how to get what she wants!
That is a nice tribute to your daughter.
Letting go will be the hardest part…
Mahirap magalaga ng teenager.
Alam ko. HAAAYYY
Thanks, Sidney. Yes, I have no question with letting go, as I know it is inevitable. Hope I can cope through.
Richmond.. hay! sinabi mo! Lalo na pag babae!
Such a sweet post. One of the things that make me worried is being separated from my kids for a long time. My eldest/tween daughter (11) is quite independent I think she wouldn’t mind being away from me and my husband for some time because she can look after herself. But still, just a day of staying with my parents in the province for a vacation, she already sent an sms saying she wants to go home because she misses us.
This is such a sweet post Rhodora. And I love that… “To infinity and beyond.” Oh, don’t worry about being separated from her. A girl like that, even if she’s away from home, she will always call or write or ym… you won’t be able to get rid of her.
Julie, I guess we moms share the same fear - that of getting separated from our kids. But then, we have to accept the fact that they will not be by our side forever…
Thanks, Toe! The sweet girl that she is - our home is very lonely without her around. But we will get used to it, I know. Mami-miss ko lang ang mga lambing niya…
This is a very cute story
My little daughter loves Toy Story and she was delighted to see Woody and Jesse at the Disneyworld last time we went 
I wish she remains a kid forever 
Anyway there is a saying - ” the first child is born out of love, the second out of accident and the third out of habit ”
do you think there’s some truth in this ? hehe
BW, hay, naku, cherish your daughter now that she is still young and delightful. Hahanap-hanapin mo ang little girl na yan kapag nagdalaga na siya.
” the first child is born out of love, the second out of accident and the third out of habit ”
Hmm… I guess, yes.. LOL!